Gardner Leader

Considering separation - where do you turn?

In this article Seona Myerscough, Partner within the Family Team, answers a question that may be troubling many at this time of year – what should you do if you are considering separation or divorce?  And the simple answer is – seek advice early.

A year ago, I wrote an article on the impact the economic climate has on marital and partner relationships. At that time we were uncertain what the future would hold and it was difficult to foresee the effects it would have, particularly to those considering separation and divorce.

Twelve months on and we are clearly not out of the woods yet but, regardless of this, there is only so long that a couple can tolerate a marriage that is not working, even if house sales are slow and job security is uncertain.

Being on the Committee of Berkshire Family Mediation, I know there has been a significant increase in child cases since July 2009, compared to the previous six months.  The reasons for this are not understood at present, although I would suggest it may be partially due to the fact that there was a hiatus in people taking any form of action as they waited for a better financial footing. Invariably however, their personal situations worsened, became unbearable and suddenly there has been an influx of separations reaching the courts. And because they have waited, relations with their partner are less amicable and their mindsets more inflexible.

Sadly, the new year will inevitably lead to another deluge of cases. The holiday season can allow relationship issues to surface; issues that have been ignored or dismissed in the routine cycle of everyday life. With free time together, problems that have been simmering away without being addressed, are suddenly given the opportunity to develop.

I recommended last year that if you are considering separation, you should consider getting advice as soon as possible, even if you are not yet clear on the path that you want to take. I strongly reiterate this suggestion.

Relationship breakdowns are difficult to discuss with family and friends, as advice can often be distorted by emotions. Talking through your options with someone objective can really help you to make an informed decision. A  Family Solicitor who is a member of Resolution (www.resolution.org.uk) has a responsibility to consider all the available options open to you.

And there are options. No relationship breakdown follows a prescribed course. Many decide to use mediation, an option that allows couples to meet together with one or two mediators to reach an agreement. In addition, there is the Collaborative Law process, a form of alternative dispute resolution enabling you to have four-way meetings with both of your solicitors present; the important part of this process is an agreement not to go to Court. Either method can result in a satisfactory conclusion to your situation.

Once you have considered all these options and have received sound advice, you will feel more confident in your discussions with the person you are considering separating from.

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