Gardner Leader

Separation and Divorce

Gardner Leader – Berkshire Life article – September 2007

Separation and divorce – how to support the children

You and your partner have come to the end of your relationship; you are both clear that you do not have a future together. The emotional distress that you are likely to feel at this time is overwhelming, even if you knew it was coming and you were the catalyst. In this article, Seona Myerscough, Family Partner at Gardner Leader Solicitors in Newbury, looks at two types of ‘agreed arrangements’ that are available to make things run as smoothly as possible for the sakes of both you and of the children.

Whatever their age, your children will be affected by your reactions and by the changes they are experiencing. They will be feeling fear and uncertainty for the future. If you can, and it is not always possible, speak to the children and explain what is happening in simple and appropriate language. It is helpful if the children can understand the implications of the changes for themselves; for example, consider letting them see where the parent who is leaving will live so that they know they are safe and are able to cope, because children worry about both of their parents.

It might sound impossible at the moment, but strive towards discussing and agreeing together your plans for the children, because as parents you both should know what’s best for them.

There are services that could be of critical importance to you to help reach an ‘agreed arrangement’; one such service is mediation. There are local mediation services in Berkshire, which can be located in Yellow Pages or on the Internet; and some solicitors, including me, offer it. Another alternative is the collaborative law process that is provided by solicitors who are members of Resolution (Association of Family Lawyers), and have trained in collaborative law.

There is not enough space in this article to explain the differences between these two ways forward, but they both provide an alternative to the court and a specialist Family Lawyer can explain to you what choices you have and can help you decide what is best for your family.

It is extremely important to guide your children through the separation and to protect them. You need to allow them the opportunity to cope with the changes and to have a relationship with each of you. Agreed arrangements are amongst the best ways to try and achieve this.

Seona Myerscough

Family Lawyer, Mediator, Collaborative Lawyer & Member of Resolution.

[Back]